Usually the job of an incoming phone operator is considered great ... when comparing it to an external phone operator. However, in these tough times, it's probably not fun when you get the incoming call to cancel a subscription. Now it turns into a bargaining race to see how much free stuff they can give you to keep you on board.

Tough times or not, Christi and were both planning on canceling our XM subscriptions. It was great in western Colorado where we originally bought them because we only had a handful of radio stations that we could hear clearly. Regardless of the situation, I found it humorous to see what lengths someone would go through to keep me on as a customer. Here's the event as it transpired:

Brian: (After being on hold for five minutes). Can I speak to someone about canceling my two subscriptions.
Operator: Sure, I can help you with this (even when she knew she couldn't).
B: I have [radioId 1] and [radioId 2] that I need to cancel. That's all I'm going to need today.
O: Is there something wrong with the service you are receiving?
B: Nothing is wrong. We needed them when we had no reception in Colorado, and now we have no use for them.
O: I see that you enjoy listening to [favorite preset channel1]. What if we could give you a few more free channels that corresponded with this?
B: As I mentioned earlier. I like XM, but I just don't need it anymore. I just need to cancel.
O: Have you thought about the times when you drive to places where you can't get good reception where you are now? You might need it for times like that.
B: I'll be fine with CDs. Plus, my wife drives her car every other month, so we definitely don't need that account.
O: Are you sure there's nothing else we can do?
B: Yes, I just need to cancel.
O: I'm going to transfer you to my manager so that she can get your cancellation started.
*After five to ten more minutes of elevator music, I get transferred to the manager. You'd think they would have a cool way to select an XM station to listen to why you're on hold, but maybe that's why they are losing their customers.
Manager: Hi, my name is [so and so], how can I help you today.
B: I need to cancel my two radio accounts.
M: Can I ask why you are canceling these?
*I go through my entire story saying I don't need them.
M: Well, it says you have been a member since 2007. This makes you eligible for premier account status (I'm sure she just made this up on the spot). With this, we can lock you for next year at 50% of the cost that you paid for the previous year.
B: To be brutally honest with you, if I knew I could have received a deal like this, I would call to cancel every year. However, I just need this transaction to end quickly and I don't need service (How many times can you beat a dead horse?)
M: I'm sorry to hear that. I can make a special exception for you and let you have both of your subscriptions at 50% so you only pay for one of them.
B: Thanks again, but I just need to cancel. Can we move along with this?
M: I have an idea (which obviously has nothing to do with canceling). What if I gave you three free months and then you could decide after that?
B: There have been multiple talks about XM/Sirius going under in the next few months. I don't want to lock in a contract with a company that can't continue giving me service in the future.
M: We do not know the immediate future for XM, we are just focused on keeping our clients happy right now.
B: You didn't know? Come on. Your stock is trading under half a cent.
M: Sir, I don't keep track of our company's stock portfolio.
B: Please cancel my service or send me to someone who can.
M: What if we gave you six free months to try our products to see if you would like to stay?
B: Can I please speak with your manager?

From there she immediately canceled my contract and we both moved on with our days. There's a part of me that was trying to egg them on to see how much more free stuff I could get, but it got to a point where it was pretty sad to see the lengths they would go through. All in all, I'll be sad to not see scores like this in my car in the future.